Disabled Parking Space

Today is an important day.  Not only because I'm off to my Rheumatologist to find out what the hell is actually wrong with me (disease most likely is Ankylosing Spondylitis), nor because today the petition I wrote about in my last post will be presented to our government.  Today is also important because it marks a BloggersUnite event called People First: Empowering People with Disabilities.  Today, people all over the world will be writing blog posts about the experiece of living with a disability (their own or a loved one's) in order to educate, empower and...um, another "e" thing... enable.

Actually, these three important events share a common ancestor, and that is this:

You can't tell just by looking.

You can't tell by looking at me that I have a disability.  You can't tell by looking that I have a spinal injury.  You can't tell by looking that I have nerve damage. You can't tell by looking at me that I have a mental illness.  You can't tell that I am in intense pain.  You can't tell that I struggle with debilitating anxiety at times.  You can't tell that I am so tired I feel it in every cell of my body and have for 20 years.  You can't tell that the demons from my past resurface again and again and again and affect me still, decades later.  You can't tell that some days I hate my life.  You can't tell that some days I want to die.  You can't tell that if I walk from here to there I will pay for it for days or sometimes weeks.

You can only see that I do walk from here to there.  You see me smile.  You see me talk intelligently to people.  You see me graduate from university. You see me start a business.  You see me create.  You see me move through the days like any other mother.  You see me as unremarkable.  You see me park in the disabled parking space, and you look.  And I know you look.  And I know what you think.

And I know that you are wrong.

I am remarkable.

I am remarkable because you see me smile, you see me talk inteligently to people, you see me start a business, you see me create, you see me move through the days like any other mother.  I am remarkable because those things happen despite what you dont see.

I am disabled.  I am also able.  The trick is finding the balance.

Not in my own mind, but in yours.

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